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[親子教養] 讓孩子面對情緒處理情緒的5個步驟

水晶姊4歲之後開始有一些比較激烈的情緒產生遇到不如意的事, 令他生氣的事除了大吼大叫, 還會摔東西也會雙手抱胸前狠狠的瞪著惹他生氣的對象(其實是跟媽媽學習來的, 我慚愧呀!!)​第一次的失控我們沒有太

水晶姊4歲之後 開始有一些比較激烈的情緒產生 遇到不如意的事, 令他生氣的事 除了大吼大叫, 還會摔東西 也會雙手抱胸前狠狠的瞪著惹他生氣的對象 (其實是跟媽媽學習來的, 我慚愧呀!!) ​   第一次的失控我們沒有太注意, 以為只是孩子覺得好玩進而學習來的模仿行為 她生氣時, 我們還會冷言冷語的回她 "有什麼好生氣的?!" "不要生氣!" 甚至比她更氣的壓過她"不准你生氣!"   漸漸地,  這樣的情緒頻率越來越頻繁 失控吼叫摔東西的行為也重複一再出現   原來, 不只大人需要學習管理情緒 孩子們同樣也需要我們引導她面對自己不如意的情緒 而不是忽略或壓抑她真實的感受   給予孩子適當的"情緒管理"方法比起給予物質的滿足是更為重要的   也因此, 從國外網站找了一些面對情緒相關資料 英文OK的爸媽建議可以直接參考這篇原文- Managing Big Emotions: Best Resources to Use With Kids (下文節錄自http://childhood101.com/2016/06/managing-big-emotions-best-resources-to-use-with-kids/) Managing big emotions is hard, whether you are four or six or forty six! Helping children learn to regulate and manage their emotions is an ongoing process that involves helping them to recognise a range of emotions, learning to express their feelings verbally, learning to calm oneself down in the face of overwhelming emotions, and learning to treat others with kindness and empathy.  以下為闊ma中譯: 管理大情緒是困難的, 無論你是4歲, 6歲, 或是46歲! 幫助孩子學習控制以及管理他們的情緒是一個持續的過程, 其中涉及了幫助他們認識情緒的範圍, 學習口語表達他們的感受, 學習面對難以忍受的情緒時讓自己平靜下來, 以及學習和善待人及同理心.      以下簡單介紹文中介紹面對情緒的方法以及好用工具 管理大情緒的5個步驟  海報 (建議A4列印出來貼在明顯的牆上, 遇到孩子情緒爆炸時就帶者孩子依照步驟操作) ​ (下圖擷取自http://childhood101.com/2015/03/helping-children-manage-big-emotions/) 海報請進入連結後點圖即可下載   ​   (下文擷取自http://childhood101.com/2015/03/helping-children-manage-big-emotions/, 英文OK的爸媽建議可以直接參考這篇原文) 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-2142px!important}.a2a_i_yahoo{background-position:0 -2159px!important}.a2a_i_yim{background-position:0 -2176px!important}.a2a_i_yoolink{background-position:0 -2193px!important}.a2a_i_youmob{background-position:0 -2210px!important}.a2a_i_youtube{background-position:0 -2227px!important}.a2a_i_yummly{background-position:0 -2244px!important}   5 Steps to Managing Big Emotions 1. Remind myself that it is never okay to hurt others. It is important to set clear guidelines about what is acceptable and what is not. In our house, we are not allowed to hurt or be destructive to others or their property. That includes hurting others with our words. 2. Take 3 deep breaths or count slowly to 10. Helping children to understand that these big feelings are completely normal but it is their reaction and actions as a result of those feelings that can hurt others (and ultimately, ourselves), is an important part of the calm down plan. Taking a few deep breaths or slowly counting to ten gives the child time to recognise their body’s warning signs – whether they be a tense body, clenched teeth or racing heart. When making a plan, talk with your child about how their body feels when they are angry or frustrated and then introduce the idea of taking a few breaths to compose themselves and to form a better course of action then striking out at another person. 3. Use my words to say how I feel and what I wish would happen. Acknowledging the big feelings recognises that these feelings are legitimate and important and saying what they wish would happen helps to open a problem solving conversation. Of course, what they wish would happen won’t always be an acceptable solution for all parties, and this can often be a difficult lesson for children to learn (and virtually impossible for very young children to learn) and they will often need support to work out a more peaceful solution, especially when they are used to striking out when they feel big emotions. 4. Ask for help to solve the problem. As an adult I often find talking through a problem really helps me to process it, and children will often need support as they learn to problem solve and find solutions in social situations. Let your child know that it is okay to ask for help when they don’t feel that they can solve the problem and keep these important channels of communication open, so that one day when they are working on much bigger problems than a spat with a sibling or frustration with a friend, they feel that they can always come to you for help. 5. Take the time I need to calm down. Let your child know that sometimes they just won’t feel that the solution proposed is enough and that they may still feel angry or upset even having worked through each of the above steps, and that in these situations it is often better to walk away or to find another safe way to diffuse those feelings.  以下為闊ma中譯: 1. 提醒自己永遠都不能傷害別人. 建立明確的規則關於什麼是可接受的以及什麼是不能接受的是重要的. 在我們的房子裡, 我們不允許傷害或破壞東西. 2.做3次深呼吸或是慢慢地從1數到10. 幫助孩子了解這些強烈的感受是完全正常的, 但是他們對這些感受結果的反應及行動會傷害別人(以及最終地傷害到自己), 是平靜計畫的重要組成部分.  做幾次的深呼吸, 或慢慢地數到10, 讓孩子有時間來認識自己身體的警示訊息 - 無論他們是否處於緊張的, 咬牙切齒, 或是心跳加速的身體狀態. 當制定計畫時, 與孩子討論當他們生氣或沮喪時他們的身體會有什麼感覺, 接下來提出做幾次呼吸來使自己平靜的建議, 並形成一個更好的行動.  3. 使用自己的字彙說出自己的感受以及我希望發生的事. 認知到大情緒, 承認這些感覺是合理和重要的,並且說出他們希望發生的事有助於打開解決問題的談話。 當然,他們希望發生的事情對所有人來說並非永遠是一個可以接受的解決方案,這對於孩子們來說往往是一個困難的功課(對於非常幼小的孩子來說,幾乎不可能學習),因此他們通常需要支持來找出更和平的解決方案,特別是當他們感受大情緒時習慣大吼。 4. 請求幫助以解決困難 作為一個成人,我經常發現通過談話有助於我處理問題,也因此, 在社會情境下當孩子們學習解決問題及找出解決辦法時. 孩子們往往需要支持。 讓你的孩子知道,當他們不覺得他們可以解決問時, 求助是可以的. 並且保持這些重要的溝通管道敞開,以便有一天,當他們在處理更大的問題,比起兄弟姊妹或朋友, 讓他們覺得他們永遠都可以來找你求助。 5. 花點時間平靜 讓你的孩子知道,有時後他們不要覺得問題的解決方案是足夠的,即使通過上述每個步驟,他們仍然可能感到憤怒或生氣,在這些情況下,通常離開或是找到另一種安全的方式來化解這些感覺是更好的. 作為一個成人,重要的是要記住,這一步不是孤立孩子,而是給他們的空間,如果他們想要,去支持他們通過這最後一步。   --> 延伸閱讀 [親子教養] 孩子的情緒管理 - 9個讓孩子冷靜的方法   身為大人的我們, 每天都有很多負面的情緒, 不滿, 恐懼, 不安, 常常我們都不知如何面對了, 更何況是孩子呢? 面對孩子的情緒, 適時的引導, 更多的陪伴, 更多的關心, 帶著孩子一起面對這些正常的情緒 進而學習面對情緒, 化解情緒 對孩子而言, 一生受用 父母給孩子最珍貴的資產, 是教養, 不是金錢啊!   以下是之前從書上整理來的正向/負向感覺, 你希望孩子活在哪一個區塊中呢? 父母顯現出的行為及情緒是正面的, 孩子自然而然也從模仿學習中跟著正面 想改變孩子之前, 何不從改變自己做起呢? ​   原文請見此處   奶爸將生氣的姐姐畫成了貼圖 已經上架在LINE貼圖區販售囉! 「水晶姊 Part 1 (超級奶爸W.C.C.原創貼圖)」 https://line.me/S/sticker/1377395 「水晶姊 Part 2 (超級奶爸W.C.C.原創貼圖)」 https://line.me/S/sticker/1375847     #珍惜我們所擁有的, 每天充滿感恩的抱一下身邊的家人吧! ​   ​   ​????超級奶爸W.C.C手繪原創貼圖上架囉!​???? 在2016年4月歷經了突發心肌梗塞後, 深刻的體會到, 即使在孩子出生後我們可能為了孩子放棄了很多, #但是絕對不能放棄自己的興趣及夢想.​????​????​???? 在家育兒不能漫無目的及目標, 人生有夢就應該勇敢去追, 因此決定重拾畫筆, 以兩個寶貝女兒為主角, 分享育兒的點滴. 從人物角色的創造到申請上架成功花了的兩個月的時間, 經歷了兩次退稿後, 終於第一波貼圖誕生了!! 每一張圖都是好不容易擺平兩隻擠出非常珍貴的時間而產生的作品, 希望大家會喜歡, 也請大家多多捧場啦! ​????​????​???? 第一波貼圖主角為超級調皮搗蛋的小女兒起司妹 ​????‍????‍????‍????起司妹小檔案:  ​????起司妹家中排行老么, 現齡2Y4M, 是個獅子寶 ​????起司妹名字取自於爸爸中文姓名第二字"啟"+媽媽中文姓名第二字"詩", 是爸爸媽媽跟姊姊3人一起取的胎名 ​????起司妹遺傳了來自爸爸及媽媽的自然捲, 並加以發揚光大 ​????起司妹右臉頰有顆代表的小痣, 是個小小美人胚 ​????起司妹真的超級愛吃起司 「起司妹Part 1 (超級奶爸W.C.C.原創貼圖)」 http://line.me/S/sticker/1367989 ​ 「起司妹Part 2 (超級奶爸W.C.C.原創貼圖)」 http://line.me/S/sticker/1371541   ​       超級奶爸W.C.C.更多原創貼圖